My sweetest Leland,
It’s been 3 months today since your dad and I let you go. I hope you are enjoying being able to run and play and be healthy again. Your dad and I know it was the right thing to do for you but we both still miss you terribly. We both still cry over not having you with us…although it’s not everyday like it was.
Dad and I were talking this weekend about how Lucian really doesn’t seem to like hanging out downstairs while watching TV. Dad said this winter he figures that’ll change once he gets a feel for the heat from the wood stove. You just loved lying by that wood stove in the winter. I told dad that I really haven’t gone and spent much time in the basement since this whole thing started with your knee in February. The stairs were just too much for you. I know I need to start making my way back down there so dad and I can enjoy watching movies again but I just miss you being curled up at my feet on the couch. Perhaps if dad and I start spending more time down there together Lucian may follow. I got choked up talking about this with dad and he started tearing up himself.
I want to let you know you did good in finding Lucian for us. He’s definitely kept your dad and I busy. Lucian seems more attached to dad than me…I guess you know best since dad has carried around a lot of guilt with what happened to you. I also guess it’s time dad had a special bond since you and I were attached at the hip so to speak. Dad has told me that he’s heard your paws padding through the house. He’s told me about 2 different occasions. It seems to happen late at night when Lucian and I are in bed. The one time dad said he swore he heard you coming up behind him in the kitchen. You know how you used to come up behind him while he was bent over the sink eating a snack cake or cookie and you’d stick your nose up underneath his arm to make sure you got a piece too. You enjoyed your sweets. The other time I suppose I was snoring (at least that’s what dad says) so he couldn’t sleep. He went to the other bedroom that he always went to when you pushed him out of bed because you wanted more leg room. Dad says he was over there the other evening and heard you walking on the crappy cheap green carpet that always crunched when you stepped on it.
I’m glad you’re letting dad know that your spirit is still with us. I’m sorry I’ve not heard you yet. I guess all my focus has been on Lucian as he’s a handful right now. He’s into EVERYTHING. Between keeping him from not chewing on things he shouldn’t, potty training, trying to teach him to listen to me like he does dad, and playing I’ve not really had many moments by myself to just relax and listen for you. Heck, I think since Lucian has come to us I’ve only been able to soak in a bubble bath one time and even then dad came and got me because he had chores to do and couldn’t continue to watch Lucian.
I just wanted to let you know today that your dad and I still think about you all the time and carry you in our hearts. Lucian has helped alleviate some of the sadness in the home but he will never replace you in our hearts. And if you could maybe let Lucian know to stop stepping on my sore toe…I’ve been dealing with an ingrown toe nail and every time Lucian puts his 50+ lbs on it, it brings tears to my eyes and cuss words from my mouth. Well, I’ll let you get back to playing there at the Bridge.
We Love and Miss You,
Mom
Oh what a beautiful letter to Leland. He is laughing I bet. Funny – how we have adapted our lives to accommodate our furbabies. I find myself not wanting to stay up late at night because it was always Jake and I, snuggling together. I occasionally hear him click click across the floor and have heard him bark outside. Funny how they decide which pawrent to bond with. You and Leland had a wonderful life.
Laurie
Talk about straight from your heart….straight to Leland’s heart (with a little brief stop-over tnrough our hearts)…this is just lovely.
Thank you for sharing this…for allowing us the privilege of learning more about this special boy.
I love the visual of him positioning hi.self under hubby’s arm to get a snack…it just reminded me of what a tall boy Leland is!
Like you, I’m having an awful time feeling Happy Hannah’s presence…hearing her, feeling her, sensing her, dreaming…whatever way….
But I’m really glad Leland is being very present with your hubby!! Leland is with you…even if henhas to “communicate” through your hubby to reach you, he’s with you!! I KNOW you felt his presence with every word you wrote today…maybe that’s the form he.com chose to connect with you today.
I know we can all talk to each other until we are purple in the face about all the reasons we should have no regret..no guilt…but that’s a life lesson the Universe gave us all to learn. The only thing that I can say is Leland would NEVER want you to spend one second in guilt mania! He wants to see you happy!!
And that is why you have that wild and crazy puppy in your life! When nothing else can make us smile, a puppy sure can!
Ahhh, the woodstove…yet another parallel we share. My Happy Hannah LOVED “her” woodstove! I think you’ll feel Leland’s warm glow in your heart when you go down there with the woodstove going. Maybe Lucian is waiting for Leland to give him permission to enter his Woodstove Sanctuary 🙂
Yep! Lucian is a full time “0job” and that’s exactly how Leleand planned it!!
Okay Sahana, Leland just sent me a message….really…he did!!! Ready?
“Mom! PROMISE ME…PROMISE ME…;you’ll take a nice hot lingering bubble bath within the next two or three nights!!! AND, you will relax, light some candles and assign Dad Lucian duty!!! PROMISE ME!!! I’ll be there with you…close your hearts, relax, you’ll feel me…and you’ll smile…and I’ll be wagging my stub like crazy! I’m NOT going to get in there with you though!”
Okay Sahana…you have it straight from Leland!!! Ill be waiting for your “bubble bath post”!! Think I might try it myself!!
Sending you lots and lots of hugs and love. And, as always, sending you gratitude for all you do on behalf of Leland for everyone on this journey. It means so much having you here. Thank you.
Sally and My Eternal Light Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle
PS. I shall use four candles tonight…Leland, Lucian, Happy Hannah, Merry Myrtle
Sahana,
I know Leland is paying you visits too. Sometimes when we are too busy with the babies is when we miss those signs. Me too.
This letter is so beautiful so heartfelt. I can’t wait to hear how Lucian does with the woodstove
Hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
Sahana,
I almost felt like a voyer reading this letter of love … it was so beautifully written. I read it earlier at work and started to tear up so I had to remember to go back to it.
I love hearing your new adventures w/sweet Lucian. I bet he comes around… Shelby loved the heater too. He was definitely sent from Leland to warm your soul, mend your heart and bring you smiles! I love hearing about his antics!
I know that Leland and Shelby are having a terrific time over the bridge. These anniversaries always bring a new wave of emotions … that much I do know.
Thank you for sharing your letter. you write beautifully.
Much love,
Alison with the Spirit of Shelby fur-ever in her heart (and little Jasper too)
Errrr….regarding the bubble bath….that would be “close your eyes”….not close your “heart!
Oh, Leland knew exactly what he was doing when he sent Lucian. He knew he would keep you super busy and on your toes. Busy means less time to think. Leland will always be with you. You may find that as you venture more to the basement, that is where you feel him the most. It is just hard to miss them so. Hugs from, Lori and TY
Sahana,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Leland. I certainly feel it is healing to share your feelings. Lucian is doing his best to keep you distracted especially by stepping on your sore toe.
Penny