Leland's Life

We got our first real look at what Lucian’s ears are going to look like when they stand.  Boy they are HUGE!!

Jasper Lily I think Lucian could give you a run for the money on tall ears…lol.

Leland’s ears were cut differently and were a tad shorter than Lucian’s.  I sure hope the rest of him grows into those ears!  My step-son thought he looked like a Gremlin off that movie back in the 80’s…which I guess I can see with those ears.

And for some reason he felt like carrying around the bowl of water I brought out for him.  It was the cutest thing because he didn’t want to put the bowl down but didn’t understand why water kept getting on him.  Oh to be a puppy!

 

Well, another week has passed since Lucian came into our lives.  He is settling in just fine as you can see in the pictures.  My husband and I started posting his ears again to get them to stand yesterday.  It took a while for them to completely heal up so we wouldn’t hurt him with the posting.  We’re hoping that not too much time has passed and that we’ll eventually get Lucian’s ears to stand with the distinctive Dobie look.  If not that’s ok too.

Also, last week Leland’s headstone arrived.  That was a hard day.  Both my husband and I cried that evening getting it placed in the ground.  It’s 6 weeks today that we had to let Leland go.  We still miss him terribly and wish he was still with us but we know that wouldn’t have been fair to him and he had too much dignity to live the sort of life he would have had.

We’ve noticed Lucian has the same fascination with butterflies and airplanes that Leland had.  It brings some piece watching Lucian be fascinated by the same things that Leland did.  It’s like Leland is letting us know through Lucian that he’s still with us.

Tomorrow will be a week since Lucian came home with us to start this new adventure.  I had forgotten how difficult puppy world can be for the humans…lol.  Lucian has definitely settled into the surroundings of his new home and is go, go, go most of the time.  He just loves to run throughout the house carrying a toy to drop and pick up another on the way through.  It’s the cutest thing to watch…you just see a streak of black run through with some colorful toy in his mouth.

The house training is going fairly well (there’s been a few mishaps) but we’re starting to pick up on his cues that lets us know it’s time to get him outside.  And boy does he love being outside…so many things to see, strange noises, and all the smells.  Lucian loves to rip up grass and pull bark off the tree Leland always loved to sit under.  It’s non-stop mouth cleaning when we’re outside.  Oh and gravels…he loves chewing on them and I’m always getting them out before he swallows one.

Surprisingly Lucian has done well sleeping in bed with me and my husband.  He will settle right down and go to sleep.  I think he really loves being in bed.  He usually stirs about 4-5 hours later and that lets us know he needs a potty break and he’ll go pee then it’s back to bed.

I took off work Monday and Tuesday to stay at home with Lucian to get him accustomed to being in a new place.  Well my husband has been home since trying to get some work done on his equipment.  On Wednesday my husband was beside himself because he had to put Lucian in the crate while he was outside and he could hear Lucian whining and howling.  He called me to tell me what was going on and that it went on for like 30 minutes.  He wanted to go check to make sure Lucian was ok but didn’t want the whining to start up.  I told him Lucian was probably sleeping and I’m sure things were ok.  When I got home my husband and Lucian were stretched out in the bed and Lucian was just exhausted.  From what I’ve seen Lucian is forming a tight bond with my husband…he’s like his little shadow.  Leland was always with me but I think Leland has sent Lucian to look out for my husband because he’s had such a hard time with his passing.

Since having Lucian home it’s amazing to see him exhibit a lot of the behaviors that Leland and Lucky had.  It’s like both Leland and Lucky had a paw in Lucian coming to us.  My husband has been very skeptical with the whole religion idea and whether there is a god and heaven.  He’s had a lot of death in his family and many have suffered through their death because of cancer.  Then when all this stuff happened with Leland he felt that if there was a god how could he make this animal and us suffer like this.  Since bringing Lucian home and seeing he’s like Lucky and Leland wrapped up in one he truly believes there are spirits among us watching over those left on earth.  Leland and Lucky saw how much we have been hurting and led Lucian to us.

Emotionally we both still cry over missing our Leland and wish he was still with us.  I thought Lucian would help ease the pain in our hearts and perhaps we wouldn’t cry as much.  I’ve figured out in this week that isn’t what his job is.  Lucian’s job is to make me and my husband laugh and smile…which he does very well.  Only time will help lessen the hurt in our hearts but I don’t think it will ever completely go away.  My husband and I would just like to get through a day without crying…I’m crying right now typing this.

We definitely feel the presence of both Leland and Lucky with Lucian in our lives.  We just hope that Lucian can have a long and healthy life.  We are going to do things differently for Lucian (not neutering him till later in his life if at all and not over vaccinating him every year) to try and prevent him from going through the health issues that Leland and Lucky experienced.

Here are some pictures of the crazy boy…don’t let the cuteness fool you.  Sometimes I think he’s possessed…lol!

 

I have been putting off letting the Tripawd community know that this Saturday my husband and I will be bringing home a 10 week old Dobie boy.  I have been going back and forth with whether this is the right thing to do.  Then on Monday the decision was made and my husband contacted the breeder.

My husband, grandmother, and I went last Saturday to a Dobie breeder.  Our hopes were not high because the prior weekend we met with a not so good breeder and her dogs…I don’t want to get started on how awful that experience was.  Well there were two boys (one red/rust and one black/rust) that I was immediately drawn to.  I called my grandmother over and she just starting gushing over them and immediately fell in love with the laid back red/rust puppy.  I was pretty set on the red/rust boy because I didn’t want another dog to resemble Leland.

We got to interact with them and the little black one wanted all our attention.  He would push the red one back.  The black one started nibbling on my diamond bracelet and it made me think of my Leland as he did the same thing after his amp surgery.  Then my husband got down there with them and the black one came up and bumped his nose on my husband’s cheek and tried to take his ball cap…just like Leland used to.

After interacting with them both I still wasn’t sure.  Having another Dobie with the same coloring as Leland frankly scares me.  I’m afraid I will look at this puppy and constantly think of Leland.  But then it seems like maybe Leland was showing us that it’s ok and go with the black one since he was showing similar behaviors that Leland did.

On Tuesday I went with my husband on a trip to pick up a trailer.  I was thinking about Leland and the black puppy and how they nibbled on my bracelet and I went to rub it and noticed it had fallen off.  I had no clue where it could have fallen off at and I didn’t hear it hit when it came off.  I was so upset with myself and my husband was trying to make me feel better and that it wasn’t my fault.  He didn’t know how much that bracelet meant to me now that Leland was gone.  I pulled everything out of my purse hoping maybe it had fallen in there.  Perhaps it was on the floor board of the truck but I couldn’t really look until we stopped.  My husband said to check the glove box because I had put some napkins in there and when I opened it there it was.  My husband and I both burst into tears because our boy was still looking out for us.

I was reading a response that Angel Sassy’s mom Michelle had written and she had included this story named “You Have Chosen Tears”.  It was beautiful but there was one portion that touched my heart…

The other animals all ran ahead, but the little girl wasn’t ready to leave the sight of her mummy.

“Will I ever get to be with her again?” she asked solemnly.

The kind lady nodded. “You’ll be in the eyes of every puppy she looks at.  You’ll be in the bark of every dog she pets.  Late at night, when she’s fast asleep, the spirit of your memory will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace.  One day soon you can even send her a rainbow, to let her know you’re safe and waiting here…for when it’s time for her to come.”

“I would like that,” as the little girl took one last, long look at her mummy.

She saw her smile slightly through her tears and she knew she had just recalled a happy memory of her.

“I love you, Mummy,” she whispered.  “It’s okay if you cry, I understand now.”

 

After reading this story I realized it’s ok if I see bits of Leland in another.  It doesn’t mean I love Leland any less.  This new puppy isn’t a replacement for my Leland…he will just bring a little joy into a home that has been nothing but sadness since Leland’s journey on this earth ended.  I have been so worried about what others may think with bringing a puppy into our home that I’ve not told to many.  I guess I’ve also struggled within myself on whether this is right or not.  But as my husband told me this puppy is so lucky to have us and he couldn’t get anymore love than what he’ll get from us and our family.

So on Saturday Lucian Reign will start his journey with me and my husband.  He will have a lot on his shoulders for such a little fella but I have no doubt he will bring us some smiles.

I wanted to share with everyone something I had ordered as a keepsake of my Leland.  It just came today and it brought tears to my eyes when I saw it.  It’s a Pet Keepsake Picture Blanket that I had ordered from Peternity.  I’ve also ordered Leland’s headstone from this company but it takes a little longer for that piece as well as a piece of jewelry.  There website is www.peternity.com  

After receiving the blankets (one for me and one for my grandmother who sat with Leland during all his recoveries) I wanted to let the Tripawd community know about them.  We’ve all lost so many of our fur babies (recent and past) and this company offers so many wonderful ways to remember them.  The blanket measures 50″ x 60″ so it’s a nice size to wrap up in.  I’ve posted the pic that I sent to the company along with pics of the blanket.  It’s a beautiful likeness of my Leland!

 

My husband and I have been keeping ourselves busy outside doing some much needed work today.  Since everything that had started with Leland we kind of let things go around the outside of the house aside from keeping the grass mowed.  Well we were taking a break and sitting under Leland’s favorite tree.  I said “this was Leland’s sort of day” there’s a cool breeze, the sun is shining, and it isn’t humid.  Just the sort of weather he loved…not to hot and not to cold.  We were able to talk about him and his ways and smile.  I was shocked we both didn’t break down and start crying as that’s all either of us has done when we talk about our boy.  My husband made the comment “I can’t believe you almost had me talked into a cat all those years ago.”  Before we had gotten Lucky back in April 1997 I had suggested a cat as I thought they would be easier to take care of.  My husband is solely a dog person so we looked at dogs and cats.  That’s when we came across Lucky at a shelter.

Well the surprising thing was my husband said “I know we’ll eventually have another dog.  You have too much love to give to not have another one.”  My husband has been pretty closed off about the subject and I’ve not even brought it up because of the saddness we’ve both been dealing with losing Leland.  We sat under that tree and talked about whether we’d want another male or try a female this time.  My husband said he likes having his boys “it’s a guy thing.”  Then we started bouncing around ideas for names…we like unique names that aren’t heard often and they usually come from TV/Movies we’ve seen.

We both like the Sons of Anarchy show and Tig Tregger is my favorite character (yes he’s a little off and out there).  I thought Tregger would be cool…my husband not so much.  So that name was shot down.  Then I mentioned Raylen (off Justified) and he thought that would be pretty cool.  I also mentioned Klaus (The Originals vampire show) which my husband thought would be good even though he doesn’t watch vampire shows with me (that was what Leland and I did together in another room).  The point of all this rambling is that we were able to talk about our boy and smile today and that we haven’t closed off our hearts to the possibilty of bringing another dog into our life to share our home with.  Since we were able to do this today I think Leland may have been letting us know that things will be ok.

 

 

Here are some pictures of Leland through the years.

This last picture was taken 4/4/14 before all the surgeries started in May.  It’s really noticeable the difference in his body from this picture compared to the others I’ve posted after the amputation.  The poor boy had such a drastic weight loss after the surgeries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s with a heavy heart that’s full of sadness that I wanted to let the Tripawd community know that we had to put our sweet boy Leland to sleep on Monday. My husband thought it best that I stay off the Tripawd site for a while as I’ve had a really hard time with losing my boy.  But I thought the community should know what happened after my frantic postings Saturday night.

We spoke with Leland’s amp surgeon Sunday and because Leland has been battling so many other health issues that if we did the TPLO on the other hind leg everything would have to go 100% perfect.  The surgeon suspected that the autoimmune disorder may have been the reason the infection Leland got after the first TPLO was so aggressive and why his body couldn’t fight it even with the help of anti-biotics.  The surgeon stated with Leland’s compromised immune system that it would take much longer for him to recover if there weren’t any complications.

My husband and I so wanted to have the remaining hind leg fixed but we were not confident that Leland would make it through after everything that happened the first time which ultimately led to the amputation.  We did not want to put him through a 3rd surgery that he may not recover from to only have to put him to sleep in the end.  We could tell he was in pain and he looked so sad.  He couldn’t go to the bathroom with out my husband holding him on his amputated side while I held him up by the other hind leg.  And without the ability to help support some of his weight the belly sling was starting to bruise his stomach and he would moan from the pressure on him.  We felt we were being selfish to put our Leland through more just to keep him with us…but he would have went through it for us.  I think what makes this time so much harder than when we had to put our first dog Lucky to sleep is that Leland was only 4 1/2 years old.  His heart and spirit were still so strong but his body just couldn’t keep up.  With our previous dog Lucky he was 12 yrs old and suffering with Lymphoma but he had been able to live as full a life as a dog can.  Leland didn’t get that same opportunity and that’s what make this so hard.

My husband built a casket for Leland and we finally got him laid to rest under the shade of a Dogwood tree at our front flower bed.  My husband had built Lucky a casket when he passed and has decided to move Lucky from where we buried him and place him beside Leland.  We’re going to order Leland a granite headstone and have his picture engraved on it just like we did for Lucky then we’re going to purchase a bench to sit out under the Dogwood so we can sit out there with our boys.

I know in time things will become a little easier but right now the house is so quiet that we’re finding reasons to be out of the home except to sleep.  I think that’s the hardest part for me right now as Leland was by my side everywhere I went in the house as well as outside.  He just loved to sit under the shade of a tree and sniff the air and look around.

I will come back and post some pics of Leland from when he was our healthy boy.  He was so beautiful and loved by everybody who met him…once they got over his size and realized he wouldn’t hurt them.

I know we did the best thing for our boy but it sure doesn’t make it hurt any less.

We believe that Leland’s cruciate ligament has gone out in his other back leg this evening.  My husband was outside with him so Leland could go to the bathroom.  He turned his back for a minute and heard Leland yelp and then turned and saw him go down.  Leland won’t put any weight on the hind leg now.  We got a hold of the surgeon (who’s out of town) and he advised we can only give Leland the Prednisone since he’s been on that for the suspected auto-immune disorder.  If there is no improvement in the morning he advised to call him back and he’ll have his colleague come in to take a look at Leland.

We are so afraid that we’ll have to put him to sleep.  How will he manage being a rear leg amp while the TPLO procedure is healing?  How will he go to the bathroom…he’d just gotten it figured out with being a tripod.  We are so lost on what to do for him…he’s still wants to live but how can he manage with no rear legs until the TPLO procedure heals.  Then there’s the cost of a 3rd surgery and are we selfish to put him through another procedure?  He has been through sooooo much already.  We are not rich by no means and we’ve spent approx. $10,000 already between MRI’s, multiple biopsies, a TPLO surgery, an amputation surgery, around 9 days in the clinic for recoveries from surgeries and to fight the infection that could have killed, plus all the meds and x-rays.

My husband is blaming himself for what happened tonight so I need to be strong for him and Leland and I’m falling apart inside.  If we don’t do something I feel like we’re giving up on our baby but realistically I don’t know what else we can do.

I was so hoping that we’d have longer than this with our baby and I don’t understand how life can be so cruel to a dog who never hurt anyone and only showed affection to those he met.

The vet called me yesterday to let me know about Leland’s blood work.  As luck would have it I was outside with Leland during my lunch hour for his potty time so I didn’t have pen and paper to write everything down.  The gist was:

1) Red Blood cell count- ok

2) White Blood cell count- up

3) Liver enzymes- up (possible from surgeries and meds)

4) Thyroid- 2.9 (I don’t know if that’s good or bad)

5) Iron- low

The vet suspects Leland may be dealing with an auto-immune disorder (typical with weight loss in the head and Dobies as a breed.  I guess I’ll have to start researching this topic).  He discontinued the Thyrozine, put him on Prednisone, an anti-biotic (to help ward off Leland getting an infection while on the Prednisone), and iron supplements (giving him 2 pills a day).

The vet wants to see Leland in 2 weeks to run the blood work again to see where things are.  He said we’ll need to transition him off the Prednisone to something else that he can be on longer term if his numbers have improved.

I’ve always heard that Prednisone increases a person’s appetite so since the vet wants him on this for now hopefully this will kick start his eating.  Both my husband and I don’t think he looks too healthy right now with the drastic weight loss.  We think if we can get him to stabilize at 85 lbs that would probably be a good weight for him.  He had his first dose of the Prednisone last night and this morning he ate all his breakfast…hopefully this is a good sign.

Also, yesterday was the first day since we brought him home that he’s been left without a doggy sitter (my grandmother).  I worried about him all morning until I went home at lunch to let him out and saw him kicked back and relaxing on the mattress that we’ve moved to our upstairs living room.  Since he’s figured out how to get up on his own and move about the house following the runners he seems to be doing ok.  I’m so proud of what he’s accomplished in 3 short weeks and can’t wait to see the progress he makes in the future!